I'mma start now and be perfect later

To be honest I am more of a talker than a walker, Every year I make these big plans, How I will finally change my habits, learn that language, start a YT channel, Build this, and that...

But when it comes to actually walking the talk, I fall prey to my own mind, Self-doubt, fear of failure, and mostly of what people would say becomes recurring thoughts in my head as I start procrastinating, putting off these ideas as long as possible or convince myself that I need to perfet my craft before putting it out there.

The possibility of being ridiculed, looking stupid has always been frequent thoughts in my teen-hood. I have tried to get out of my cocoon as much as I can but I often find myself operating within boundaries and limitations of "What people will/might think". I have let so many ideas die because of my internal fear of how people will perceive me.

I have realized that I have an inherent need to be liked, accepted, and be on people's good books...but which people? Its not everyone's thought that matters and it's not everyone that I am trying to please. learning to filter through the chorus of judgers and only take what is constructive has really helped me not in overcoming the fear of "Abantu bazothithini" but it has allowed me to be able to embrace it and filter out what is negative and build with what is honest and constructive. If I like something I am definitely doing it.

Another thing that has hindered my growth is the need for things to be perfect, to reflect exactly the picture I have in mind. A perfect example of this is; Last year I tried starting an Education tech product (An intuitional learning management system to better facilitate online learning in schools) but due to being overly-focused on wanting it to be a perfect product from the get-go. I sabotage myself, The perfectionist mentality crushed my creativity , made me wallow in despair when things went as perfect as I  wanted them to be and I started procrastinating as a coping-mechanism to my fear of failure and not living up to my insanely high standards thus the project ended up in the bin like others that came before it.

from that experience, I am learning to allow myself to be a beginner, An amateur. As cliche as this may sound but Rome wasn't built in one day and there's nothing that is perfect from the start... It is through trial and error where I will be able to become what want to be.

All things considered, I want to be the person who does things, I want to walk the talk...not only do I want to dream, I want to manifest those dreams,Make them a reality and through conquering these hindering emotions...I will be able to start now and be perfect later.